The dregs of my family

Well, I have witnessed the dregs of some of my family members. And all over a stupid rivalry between two universities and their football teams. The thing that hurts me is that somehow, according to some family members, I have personally taken all of the fun out of the rivalry for them and I am a bad example to my own children. I think it is interesting how some people can side-step any responsibility and push blame onto others. And how they don't have sense enough to stop before they say hurtful things. I am also guilty of this, but I really try to consider my words before hitting the send button. In the past two weeks I have been told that I am immature, told that I am a poor example, preached to in the name of President Monson and been told that I am ruining relationships in my extended family. I guess I am really a bad person. I suppose I should be proud that I have so much power over the lives of others, but somehow, I think I am related to some immature and arrogant people. Sometimes I wish I didn't live in Utah. I was told at work today that I am such nice lady and how much this person likes to work with me. And on facebook, one of my own relatives tells me that I have attacked his brother personally, called him names on facebook walls and made fun of him behind his back, none of which is true. None of it. So, polar opposite evaluations from people on the same day. Wow, what a day. I think I will listen to Carmen and go to bed. :(

Update

I am hearing that everyone is worried because I am depressed. It's weird, because I don't feel depressed, just act that way. So, maybe I am not depressed, just lazy. I have decided that Facebook games are a tool of the Devil. I waste hours in front of the computer, playing stupid games. There is a social aspect to them, especially games like Farmtown and Farmville. I talk to my friends at work about our farms and cafes. But, today, I am just wasting time. I need to read the flylady postings more and facebook less. Or, I need to practice self-control and just step away from the computer. So...on that note, I am going to take a shower, get dressed to the shoes, eat lunch and make a list of what I need to get done today. LIke practicing Carmen. P.S. I love that I have learned to put cute borders on my blog site.

It's official

It's official. I have figured out what is wrong with me. I am depressed, despite taking antidepressants for years. My house is a mess, I have unfinished projects all over the place, my car is filthy, the yard is slowly dwindling into a state of shabbiness and I just want to stay in bed or be on the computer, on facebook, playing games. It's my 55th birthday and I feel like my life is close to worthless. My contact lenses bug me, I have back pain and neck pain that won't go away and I can't seem to figure out how to get out of this huge mess. So I retreat into bed or the computer. See, here i am, instead of getting dressed and getting SOMTHING done before the football game, I am on the computer. So, now I am going to take a hot bath and try to pull myself together for a few hours. I keep saying I need some time off from work, but on my days off, I just sleep in and do nothing, so I might as well go to work and make some money. If anyone wants to help a middle-aged, overweight woman try to pull her life back together, email me.

Macbeth is over:(

It's over! Today was the last performance and while I won't miss climbing up and down the stairs for awhile, I will miss the music and the association with the cast. It was a fun experience, even the 10 lb. witch costume. But, Carmen rehearsals start on Nov. 2nd, so I won't have much time off. I will get some photos online soon.

A Rant

I am going to rant, because this is my page and no one else's and because I can vent here, because hardly anyone reads my blogs. I am SO SICK AND TIRED of people saying rude things about other people, politicians, schools and things they don't know anything about!!!!! Tori says I need to let it go and I am sure that's true. It's harder for me to do that since I hit my head. I don't know if it's my age or the head injury, but I am so tired of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Chris Hannity and the other media showmen who are quoted by people I know on facebook. I have a friend, whom I will call Bill (because that's his name), who loves to make stupid remarks about things he knows little about, just to get it out there for people to comment on. Most of his friends say stuff like, You said it, Bill, or You're right about that, Bill. I often don't agree with him and so I say so. OMG! * He is nasty when contradicted. And when confronted with facts, he just changes the topic. It's like trying to have a discussion with Jehovah's Witnesses. Or trying to herd cats. Mostly, I am starting to think that his ego likes being stroked by people who agree with him and he can't take it when someone else has something half way intelligent to say to the contrary. I accused him of like to hear himself talk. Now I just don't read anything that he says. I probably will "unfriend" him. It's too bad, because I enjoy a good political conversation, and I don't need everyone to agree with me.
Now my nephew, Jordan, is saying stupid things like "the U is gay." GAY??? How ignorant sounding is that? He says he isn't calling anyone names, just the school. I question the education that people are getting down at BYU. There's nothing wrong with saying that he hopes they beat us in football this year, or that our team isn't very good, but GAY???? What does that even mean? Since I have some gay friends, it is offensive and ignorant for him to say stupid things like that. It only reflects poorly on him. The other day, Tori said something about something being gay. I said that is a very "Utah" thing to say and she might offend some of her gay friends by saying that. She said she didn't mean anything by it, but I hope she won't say it again.
So, I think I have most of it out of my system, at least for today. If anyone reads this and has a comment, feel free. I won't bite your head off and if you want to discuss politics or if you don't like my team, that's ok. Just don't say stupid, rude, narrow-minded things, or I will delete your comments.

*OMG- Mormon OMG means Oh My Gosh!

Macbetto

My intention was to regularly post my thought, feelings, etc. during the course of putting together Macbeth. I sort of dropped out of writing, because it's easier to post on facebook. My bad. Tonight is the next to the last night of the production. There have been some bumps along the way, but I now can trip lightly up the stairs, stir the pot and sing at the same time, without getting too out of breath. The cast party was last Saturday night and was at the New Yorker. It was a good venue for that many people and the food was yummy. I am getting better at the cast Party thing. The first few were really awkward, because I was so in awe of everyone. Plus, I think that performers are often shy people when not performing. It's hard to make small talk when you are used to having a script of what to say and do.
I also wanted to write about my feelings about the "house". I love the feeling of security that overtakes me as I walk down the sidewalk to the stage door. It is a feeling of calm and safety. When I go through the door, I usually smile at the security guard sitting in the booth, then down the stairs and sign in at the board. People are usually scurrying around and you hear singers warming up, but it's okay. I just feel so safe there, because I know that I have done all the work and now I know what I am supposed to do, along with everyone else. We have dressers and hairstylists to help us look right, someone has done my laundry and it is sitting at my chair along with my costume, ready for me to put on. There is a list of what I wear in each act taped to the mirror. Dressers are there to zip me up, help me with the costume and be sure I look right. The wig people make my hair look right and I do my own makeup, but even then, we have been told how to do it. It's a secure world, with no worries. By the time we are into the performances, I know my lines inside out, so there are no concerns there. It's just a lovely feeling and I love the experience of having that safety in my life.
One of the challenges that I think we all have it to keep the show "fresh". Susanne reminds us often, especially after opening night, that it is new to our audience, every night. We may have done it 4 or 5 times, but it is new to the people who paid to see the show. I try to remember that every night when I am standing backstage during the overature, waiting for the curtain to rise. I think everyone in the show tries to do their best each time.
I am always amazed at the process of making an opera, starting with picking up the score, laying in my bed, marking where I sing and trying to learn the words, then putting the words to the music. Next comes the rehearsals at the Practice Studio, with Susanne, and the difficulty of learning and memorizing. Next is fitting in the Costume Shop. That's when I first see how I am going to look, sort of. Then, Maestro comes and we practice with him. Next, the stage director starts telling us where he/she wants us to be and how to act. We try to figure it out, based on tape on the floor in the PS. Finally, we are in the "house" and on the set and trying to figure out how the staging we learned on a flat floor fits into the often multi-level set. Then, we start rehearsing with the orchestra and see how that sounds so much different from the piano that we have been practicing with. Dress rehearsals are next, with a small audience on Wednesday and a larger one on Thursday. Then a day off, and then, Saturday....Opening night. It's so fun!

More opera thoughts

Wednesday night was our first staging rehearsal. I enjoy working with Stephanie Sundine. She is firm but also really nice. And she isn't intimidated by Maestro. Anyway, she wants us to be "weird" as witches. We have to bend at the knees and walk sort of bent over, waving our hands wildly. And sing. I have some sore muscles, but have been doing pliés everynight to strengthen my legs. And we saw the set and got to walk on it, and the stairs are higher than normal steps, so it is going to be a challenge to run up and down the stairs and sing, too. It will be fun to do and weird to watch, but a lot of work, too. Then, Thursday night was the banquet scene staging. Much more sedate. They have some sort of cool prop throne for Macbeth, in which the ghost of Banco can appear and disappear as needed. I can't wait to see it. Now if only I could remember the words to sing while acting. More practice.
Tomorrow is the mega rehearsal. 2-5 and 7-10, That;s right, 2 rehearsals in one day. We did that with "Grapes of Wrath" on a Sunday, too. By the end of the day, we are all exhausted. I will need to take some Motrin before we start so that I don't get too stiff. Then, in a week, we are in the house, on stage. It's coming fast.