P.S., I hate this new format. I used to have a blog page that was decorated with wall paper, but NO, the computer nerds just can't leave well enough alone. They must be the same bunch who run IMC.

The problem, as I see it, with maintaining a blog site is that is takes time. Lots of time. That's one reason I don't keep a regular diary, because when I get to bed, I want to go to sleep, not write for an hour. The Magic Flute ended today. It was much more fun than I thought it would be. I worried for almost a year about the set, but I did fine on it, even though it is the most raked set I have set foot on and multitudes of steps. I just told myself that when we went to Canyonlands, I did fine on the sandstone, so this was just like that. It helped ease my concern. And I avoided drinking a lot of caffeine on the days of the performances, to avoid dizziness. I didn't get dizzy so that was good. I really enjoy working with that group of people. I don't see all of them each opera, but in a season, I usually see most of them. They, as a group, are bright, funny, interested and engaged people who are so talented. I tell KC and Ruthie that Grandma plays dress-ups with these people and it's fun. It's true. The weather is supposed to be pretty good this coming week. It snowed twice last week. Ick. I am ready for spring. So, this is my quick entry for today.

I had forgotten about this blog site. I don't think anyone ever checks this anymore. Since I posted last my mother died, I have had 2 more grandchildren born, changed my job and our dog died. Hmmmm...Lots of changes in about 3 years. Life just goes on, I guess. I have been having issues with...depression, I think. The weather in January was awful. I think it was the worst inversion/smog I have ever been in. I just haven't had the drive to exercise, clean my house, clean my car, cook, clean up after Christmas. The tree is in it's box, sitting in the living room. I put it up, decorated it, undecorated it and took it down and put it in the box. I don't know when I am going to get it through my thick head that if I want something done, I have to do it myself. If I want the bathroom cleaned, the bed linens changed, walls painted, yardwork done, it's up to me or it doesn't happen. We went to Tori's Wind Ensemble concert tonight and I was bored. I am bored with my life. We are starting rehearsals on The Magic Flute with the opera and I am looking forward to that, because it is never boring. But sometimes, I just want to go somewhere new and start a new life, and find new friends and a new man friend. Maybe this is my late midlife crisis. Or depression. I heard an interview with Kris Kristofferson and he mentioned something to the effect of, as he has gotten older, that he has more insecurities than he did as a younger man. I wonder if that's what getting older is about. Not being confident but unsure of yourself more and more. Oh my gosh, that would be like reliving my adolescense. What a drag that would be. Well, it's getting late and I am tired and I still have to put the clean sheets on my bed. I need a wife but I can't afford to pay one.

So much has happened in the past month

My goodness, so many things have happened since I posted last. I found out I am going to be a great-aunt and a Grandma again, my mother almost died, my sisters and I had a little "reunion", sitting around Mom's bed, watching her sleep and counting her respiratory rate. She is doing better, but it's only a matter of time. I got to really think about what it will be like when she is gone and I will miss being able to pick up the phone and calling her. Although, right now I can't really do that either. She is pretty weak and talking tires her out. Plus, I always seem to call when she is sleeping. I will miss her when she goes, but she has lived a long and good life and she wants to go.
Dave and Kristen are having a GIRL!!! I am so excited for them. KC is so cute and he will be a good big brother. We had a nice Easter today and Mike even came. It was really nice having all of my children here at once.
I work tomorrow, so this is a short note. Gotta get my beauty sleep.

This and that

I am supposed to be at church right now, but here I sit. I worked almost every day this past week and on my day off, I had a staff meeting at IMC, so not really a day off. I have today off, and not again until this Wednesday. It seems like I work a lot, but I am getting more 8 hour shifts, so I am not as exhausted at the end of those days. I need to do laundry and clean house and figure out grocery shopping, but instead, I am going to get ready for church and go, in a few minutes. I went to choir practice and I really don't like ward choirs. I have opera friends who feel the same way, so I don't think I am unique in this. I hate singing schleppy songs in a schleppy way. Our current director is a school teacher, so I thought she might be better than the last director, but, bless her heart, she is too intimidated to really get down and make us sing well. The best ward choir I ever was in was in San Ramon, with Randy Favero as the director. He was fun, but made us sing well. He really wanted a professional sound and we worked hard to achieve that. It didn't hurt that he was really easy on the eyes, either. But it was his passion for the music that made the difference. Oh well, I guess that kind of experience is rare in the church, where it is a volunteer organization.
I am tired of the wintery weather. Every few days we have a nice day, but then it turns cold and gray again. We need the snow, but I am ready for it to fall in the mountains and let us have some spring. The daffodils and tulips seem to think spring is coming, so I need to have hope, too.

Today

Today was our Stake R.S. Education Day. The speaker was C. Terry Warner and he had some interesting things to say. I can't remember everything, but one thing that he talked about was seeing with our spiritual eyes. He believes that when we see with our spiritual eyes, we are truly seeing reality. Instead of reality being something base and degraded, or sad and jaded, he believes that reality is what we would see if we always used our spiritual eyes. It's an interesting way of thinking and sort of a paradigm shift to polar opposites. I will have to think on this idea more and try to use it in my relationships.

And so it goes...

I am back to work now. It's good to get out of the house, but I hate having to get up so early. Taking 3 wks. off to recuperate after my knee surgery was good, but I had a minor life crisis during that time and had a lot of time to think and ponder on the meaning of the universe (lol). Although I seem to have found some peace, it's good to be more busy. Now I am left to wonder about my sanity. Oh well.

My mom was in the hospital for a couple of days. I don't think she will be with us much longer. I had this feeling really hit me a few months ago and I sort of had a panic attack, but now it seems okay. I am so glad she was able to come and stay with us at Christmas. KC started to warm up to her by the time she left. It think it's going to be hard to lose my Mom, but she has wanted to go for several years and now I understand that more. I will miss being able to pick up the phone and talk to her.

I am listening to "Carmen" right now and it just makes me smile, to remember how much FUN that opera was to do. What an amazing experience it is to be in the opera. Plus, having Mike in this one made it all the more amazing. I still pinch myself sometimes, to be sure I am really having this as part of my life. I think I appreciate it more as an older person than if I had done it when I was younger. I envy the young people in the cast, but I don't know if they appreciate their youth, and all that goes along with that. Fabulous voices, beauty, ease in movement, beautiful bodies. Oh to be young again. Maybe in the next life.

It's now almost midnight, so I am heading off to bed and maybe pleasant dreams.